oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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