If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
