im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
