Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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