my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize