Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
