Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
