hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
