I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
