I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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