Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
