HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
