I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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