the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
