Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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