Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think your dad took our porno
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize