Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
