Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
