dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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