Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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