Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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