like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
