the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize