Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
