its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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