Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
