We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
