I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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