I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
