Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
