Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
