I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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