I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize