What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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