grandma shit on top of the toilet
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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