Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
