hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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