if you like me you must not know who I am
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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