She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize