So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
