Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we're making bets on your personal life
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize