I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
