So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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