I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
