dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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