He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
