She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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