Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
