So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
