youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize