It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have feelings that need drinking.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
