Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
