And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
