i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
