If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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