the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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