this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
