our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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