New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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