My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize