Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
