He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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