Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
