i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
