i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
