That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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